Screw Up

So I figured I would go ahead and conform to blogging. I mean why not, three of my close friends do it and I figure this may be a good way for everyone to know what's going on in my life or how I'm feeling. Anyhow, I have made some mistakes in my lifetime but hey, who hasn't? I have been dealing with what I have done in my past and I know that God has forgiven me and I have forgiven me, but I still sometimes think, how could God ever use such a screw up like myself? I get these thoughts quite often and it's depressing because I know that God can use me but satan brings me down and brings everything that I have done wrong into the light and I have a hard time with it. I was thinking that today and it didn't really bring me down like it usually does, but being a musician and love listening to music, I listened to a song that means a lot to me. It's called, From the Inside Out by Hillsong United. The lyrics that stand out to me the most say, " A thousand times I've failed, still Your mercy remains and should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace." So many times I feel unworthy and so unclean that God could never use me because look what I did. Look how I screwed up, but God's loving arms stretch out to me and just wrap me up and I hear Him whispering, I love you. It doesn't make sense to me that God would want to use someone who screwed up. I feel like God would want someone who has lived a good life and hasn't screwed up like I have, but for some reason, God is the opposite. God wants those who have been broken. God wants those who know they aren't worthy, but He has called them because He knows what a testimony they have in God's forgiveness. If God can forgive me, He can forgive anyone. I know that I feel like God could never use me because I am a pastor's kid and if someone found out what I did, they would condemn me and would look down on me. I have always felt this pressure to live a good life and to not make any mistakes because then it would make my parents look bad. I tend to hold things inside because I have felt that if someone knew what I struggle with or what I did, that they would look down on me and as much as I don't care what people think about me, I used to and that still comes out. God is working in my life and I know that He can use me and I know that He will direct people my way as long as I'm willing to be used by Him. I am so unclean and unworthy but the good news is that I'm not alone. I'm glad there are people who I can trust and talk to that will direct me and let me know that I'm not alone. Those are my thoughts for the night. Enjoy.