Will I Ever Be Enough

Being a musician, I love to listen to music. There are times when I love to just rock out but there are other times I just need a slower song that has a meaning and really gets me thinking. Well there is a song that I just was listening to tonight as I was making a CD of some music. The song is called Ever Be Enough and it's by Sevenglory. I have my old roommate, Andy Otten, to thank for introducing me to this group. Here's the lyrics: 

I've wandered for so long
Seems like I've been down this road before
so alone and fading from the light
I feel your existence
Even now I have to close my eyes
Echoes in my head are feeding me lies 

Send me fire from the sky
an angel from on high
My heart cries 

Will I ever be enough?
Will I ever see the beauty that's inside of me?
Will I ever be enough?
Will I ever see the way you see me? 

I'm lost in emotion
Overtaken by my every breath
Finding strength I never knew I had
A promise
A let down
Back to where I did not know myself 

You call to me. It must be someone else 

For so long now
I've left the thought of gaining any promise of new life
I'm living in the shadows
I look away just long enough
To realize my life will never see tomorrow

I really love the chorus to this song because I have screwed up time and time again and so many times I find myself wondering if God could ever use me. I have said the chorus lyrics to myself so many times before I even knew this song. Will I ever be enough? Will I ever see the beauty that's inside of me? Will I ever be enough? Will I ever see, the way you see me?  I am trapped in this lie satan continually is putting in my mind that I will never be enough and that God can never use me. But it is just that, a LIE that satan keeps whispering in my mind telling me that I'm an ugly person because of what I have done. I have struggled with this for about a year now and have wondered if I will ever be enough and if God can use me. As I look back over the year, I see my failures and short comings. Why don't I see the things that have happened to me that have been amazing? I know that is because satan doesn't want me to overcome. He wants me to be stuck in the same old mind set that I will never be enough so why try, but now I am able to look back and see the way that God has guided me and the way that God has used me. If you talked to me one year ago about the things I was dealing with in my life, I would have broken down and felt so worthless. I am so thankful to say that God has brought me so far in this past year. God has brought me one of the most amazing girls I have ever met. Katie has been an absolute God send! I don't know how I got so lucky to have her in my life, but I do know that she is a gift from God and He has blessed me so much with her! Before we started dating or even talking, I never really hung out with her. I would see her around campus and that was pretty much it. I had visited her a few times in the library but that was pretty much the extent to seeing her or hanging out with her. I would chat with her occasionally. When I started talking to her more, I saw her in a new way. I never would have thought a year ago, that I would be so in love with this girl! She is my best friend and the love of my life! It is all very strange of how God brought us together and I know that the timing of everything was perfect! I liked her before but never thought she would ever like me. I felt like I wasn't good enough for her and that I didn't stand a chance. Some of you probably still agree but God had the perfect timing for us and it wasn't then. I'm just so thankful for everything that God has brought me through and I am so thankful that Katie has been there for me through a lot of it! I know that God is going to use me and I know that one day I will see the beauty that God sees in me. I am working through that now. I have had low self esteem for so long that I have had such a negative thought of myself, that it is a very difficult thing to get through, but I know that I am a child of God and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! 

I know that was a lot to take in and I hope some of it actually makes sense. Sorry if I was confusing! Just a lot going through my head including the fact that Katie is in the air on her way back home!! Well that's it for tonight.